Change of Plans

About two weeks ago, God moved me from being in the Forge to living back home in Florida.  I have no idea what God is ultimately trying to teach me through this situation or what I will be doing now that I'm home.  I have learned a lot through this situation though.  I have had an opportunity to build and deepen relationships with my family members, as well as am daily challenged in my beliefs about God's sovereignty.  I believe that God is sovereign and that He has a perfect will for my life, but believing that and living that out are totally different.  I felt as though I was in a perfect place to see God's hand in my life, but now I can see that God can definitely work any place that I am.  He is ever-present and I need to start realizing that.  The Forge is not a place in Texas, it is daily living and walking with the Lord in the process of sanctification.  Even though I still don't know what God is planning for my life, I am trying to walk with Him and listen to the promises that He makes, rather than the lies that Satan tries to daily feed me.

Our Covenant

Over the past couple of weeks, our Forge class has had the opportunity to put together a covenant, complete with mission statement, and guidelines that will help us make the most of our time together, over the next 6 months.  Through that process, I learned so much about people and interacting with individuals, that will prove of immeasurable worth for the rest of my life.  Every single person is an individual, complete with their own thoughts, theories, opinions, and experiences, derived from their past, their culture, and their theology.  Thinking anything less than that would cause me to judge the other person and set myself up in an authoritative position over them.  Working with people means that I not only get along with people, but that I understand them, where they are coming from and consider them more important than myself.  For this project of making a covenant, we had to be unanimous on every topic, which is easier said than actually done.  The first part of the project was to come up with a mission statement.  We came to the conclusion that it would be Romans 12:10, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, honor one another above ourself."  I don't know if we realize what we signed up for, but I know that God is going to work in huge ways through this covenant.  We then went on to define our relationship to media, tv, relationships, housekeeping, amongst other things.  Once we ratified the covenant two weeks ago, our relationship to one another became so much more important and on our mind, because we began following the guidelines we set forth, not out of a "duty" to preform, but out of wanting to be devoted, loving, and honoring to our brothers and sisters here.  It is a good exercise to remind each of us that we are in a "new" covenant with Christ, one ratified by the shedding of Christ's blood on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins.  Through this project and through being with each other daily, we are learning what it means to be in a Christian Community with each other, something I am learning to love more and more every day!!!

Life and History

This past week, we learned in class that our history plays a pivotal role in who we become as leaders, and to be an effective leader, we need to understand our history, not be controlled by it.  One of our assignments was to write out our personal history, namely the major circumstances in our life that caused a shift in view, framework, personality, etc.  So, this past Saturday, I spent all day writing a 20-page narration of my personal history.  In doing so, I learned a lot about myself and certain life rules that I live by.  Now that I understand these things, I can begin to work on those things that need work and have reasons for why I do what I do.  It has probably been one of the most eye opening assignments that I have ever done to date.  I do not know how any leader can lead a group of people without taking a personal inventory of their past, asking God for forgiveness where needed and moving on.  I can see that it will be crucial in my understanding of myself, my leading of others, and my relationship with God!

First Trip breakdown

Two weeks ago, our Forge class took our first trip which was amazing.  We left early Monday morning and drove for a long time.  During the car ride, all the Forgies shared our testimonies and had the opportunity to hear everyone else’s.  When I was giving mine, Matt, the director of the program, questioned me about one of the parts.  I stated that “God broke me” and he proceeded to question me about what that meant.  I had no idea, so over the course of the next twelve hours, I tried to flesh out if God breaks us, what that looks like and what that actually means.  After not being able to figure it out on my own, I prayed that God would give me discernment and understanding.  He began to reveal to me the gospel message.  I learned that first off, God doesn’t break us.  It is the sin in our lives that breaks us and separates us from the love/perfection of God.  Then, when we turn our lives over to Christ, he makes us a “new creation, behold the old has gone; the new has come.”  He picks up our broken pieces and puts us back together.  When we sin, the Holy Spirit inside us convicts us of the sin that is in our lives, which is why we feel pain when we sin.  However, one can also have a broken heart over the lost or over emotional pain.  As the Hillsong song states, “break my heart for what breaks yours.”  That is a different type of brokenness though.  Once I realized that, my whole view of myself and my life and the gospel of Jesus Christ changed.  I finally began to understand what Christ did on the cross for me.  The rest of the week, I heard the gospel preached by a lot of different people, each from their own story.  It is the common thread that weaves together all Christians from all walks of life!  That is the basis for Christian community and loving others!!  We should never allow the gospel to depart from our tongue, for it is in that time that we lose perspective of who we are and whose we are!!!

Followership

So, why when I am at a Leadership training program am I talking about followership?  Is that not the exact opposite of what I am trying to accomplish in my time here in The Forge?  The first time this concept was brought up in class, I thought I knew what leadership was.  However, I had this confused with managing individuals.  Management is an impersonal concept that is focused on placing people where they best fit to achieve the necessary goals.  In contrast, leadership is more focused on the person and helping them achieve all they can, even if it means exceeding our own desires.  With that being said, leadership is followership.  In order to be a good leader, one has to understand how to follow those whom they are leading.  It's a counter-intuitive idea.  However, how will a person lead another individual if they know nothing about them; their strengths, weaknesses, expectations, short-comings, etc?  Knowing the people that are following you is one of the most crucial points in being a good leader.  Yet, this information is not so that you can use them to further yourself or for ones own gain.  It is about helping them succeed in life, school, work, etc.

Partnering with that idea is the idea of servant-leadership.  Christ came into the world to serve, not to be served and if I am following His example, that is what I should be doing.  Serving others is not selfish; it is selfless. 

Combining both of these ideas together is crucial in order to be a "good" leader

Mother-Daughter Conference

This weekend, I worked a mother-daughter conference.  Needless to say, it was probably one of the most nerve-racking weekends ever. Serving around 55 women and their daughters was very eye-opening.  It was amazing to see how God worked through this weekend.  Part of the conference is that we don't allow the mother's to serve any of their children food or drinks, the staff pour all the drinks.  The look on the mother's faces when they didn't have to clean up or even take their plates, or pour their kids drinks was awesome.  The were allowed to sit back and enjoy the time with their daughters and think only about that!  75% of the mothers confessed that they had never prayed with their daughter alone until Friday night.  God began breaking those "traditions" immediately.  Then, through other events, mothers and daughters had the opportunity to spend quality time together.  One of the best parts of the weekend was seeing the mothers and daughters go ziplining together.  I was working the zip line and the daughters sometimes had to encourage their mothers!  What a change of role.  It was a very beautiful thing though to see the cohesion happening. 

Serving them was absolutely amazing though.  Even though I was tired and sometimes not excited about being on my feet, putting myself aside to make their weekend run smoothly was awesome.  God showed me a lot about himself through that as well.  He gives strength to the tired, rest to the weary, and the list goes on!  Serving others is so much more rewarding than serving yourself any day of the week.  It's a great opportunity to put what I am learning into practice!

Recent Lessons

This past week, God showed me so much about who I am, and why I have acted the way I have for years.  One of the first questions in the Forge was, "Who are you and what are you doing here?"  That one question is going to be running through my mind for the rest of my life most likely.  However, this week, God definitely revealed to me some of that answer.

Our Forge class started our 18 hours of classes last week, which ranged from inductive Bible study, to theology, to practical life skills, to Leadership theory, to Sanctus (a class about corporate and individual holiness).  I have been praying and thinking about why God has me here in The Forge, a program I didn't know existed five months ago.  During our leadership theory class, our teacher emphasized the fact that leadership was about followership.  In order to be a "good," Christian leader, we need to learn how to follow Christ, have Him be our foundation, and from that to serve others.  This idea was counter-intuitive to me.  However, I felt as though God was telling me that the reason I was here was to learn how to be a follower and servant of others.  What that looks like, I have no idea, but I'm positive that in the future, it will be revealed to me.

In addition, over the past series of weeks, Matt, the Forge director, has been guiding me with questions about my life that I cannot answer, causing me to think about why I do things.  It has probably been one of the most challenging times in my life; it actually caused me to breakdown in front of him!  Well on Friday, our Sanctus teacher, who is a marriage and family counselor, talked to us about our identity and our foundation for living.  My foundation is the basis for my identity.  If my foundation is shaky or crumbles, my identity will go with it, which would not be good.  When I began to put the conversations Matt and I were having, with the concept of foundations, I didn't like what I was seeing.  My foundation was ego-centric, self-centered, and very proud and Christ, being my identity, so I thought, was built on a very sinful foundation.  Everything that I was doing was because, deep down at the core, it was benefitting me in one way or another.  So what am I going to do now?  Well, the first thing is that I understand what my foundation is.  That's huge because without knowing that, I cannot be transformed.  Next, Jesus has to become my foundation and my identity has to be found through Him.  I don't know how that is going to happen yet, but God's got a plan for me and my life!!!  It's not about me; It's all about Him!!

Weight-Bearing Cables

So this past week, our Forge class had high ropes challenge course training and certification.  It was the longest three days I've pretty much had yet, trying to cram 20 hours of training and testing into those days.  However, there was a lot to learn about this opportunity to become high ropes certified.  The first two days of the training involved a ton of new terminology as well as participating in the elements, the course itself.  We had to self-belay up a 35 foot pole, traverse thirty yards thirty feet above the ground on wires no bigger than your finger and learn what every piece of equipment was used and where it was used.  Throughout this entire process, our trust and mental determinance was constantly tested.

For me, there was a lot of learning that took place personally.  Being up 35 feet in the air only attached by a rope took a lot of courage and trust.  I have been on a high ropes course before, however, this was the first time that I had to actually transfer myself from cable to cable and to sit into the harness, trusting that it would hold me.  It is certified to hold at minimum 5000 pounds, however, trusting it to hold 200 is much different.  I find this correlates perfectly with my relationship with Christ.  He wants me to put my full trust in Him, yet when I start to walk, the possibilities of failing and falling are evident all around me.  It almost stops me clear in my tracks, causing me not to step into the blessings and opportunities that Jesus has for me.  If I would only look up and see that the cable and clasps (Jesus) are holding me securely and wouldn't look at the ground 35 feet below me, I would see that I am safe.  Just like when Peter took those steps on the water toward Jesus, when His eyes were on Him, he had no reason to worry, but when he looked down and saw the raging seas, he began to sink.

So after this week of thinking and training, a recurring idea keeps rearing its head.  Am I going to look up and trust Christ, keeping my eyes, heart, and mind focused on Him, or am I going to look down and trust in myself?

God's Word

In Church this morning, our pastor stated that the Bible was just a book until partnered with the work of the Holy Spirit to change our lives.  That statement brought another viewpoint to the Scripture that I had never thought about.  It revealed a lot about the work of the Holy Spirit.  I'd like some feedback if ya'll would give it.

Life and Hypocrisy

This weekend, I began reading The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller.  In this book, Keller challenges the traditional view of the prodigal son found in Luke 15.  Instead of just being about the one son who squandered his fathers fortune, it is rather a parable about both sons; both of which had the opportunity to receive the fathers invitation and blessing.  The first son demanded that his father give him his share of the estate so that he could live his life on his own terms.  While his father was still living, this was one of the most degrading blows a son could deal to his father and would essentially ruin the family name within the community.  But his loving father gave him the opportunity to squander his inheritance.  Once the son ran out of money, he remembered that his father's servants ate better than him so he decided that he would prepare a huge apology and return to his father to work as a servant.  While he was still a distance off, his father ran to him and accepted him back into the family, reinstating him and cutting him back into the now diminished inheritance.  The father did not let him give his apology but demanded that the fattened calf be killed and that the town should celebrate the return of his son.

On the other hand, the elder son, now whose inheritance has been cut again by the reinstatement of his brother, comes to see that a party is being thrown for his brother.  Yet he will not go in to the party because he feels cheated.  He stayed and worked for years for his father and, because of this, feels entitled to the praise of his father and to receive all the blessings.  He kept all his fathers laws and never disobeyed or did anything against his father, but when it came down to why he did it, it was out of selfishness.  He didn't want to be with his father either, he only wanted the inheritance - shown by his rejection of his father's invitation to the party.

Conclusion: Even though both of the sons rejected the father in their own way - the younger by his open rejection and his humiliation of his family as well as his open sinning, and the older by his self-righteousness or "hidden" sinning - the younger accepted the fathers invitation to blessing, but the older thought he was entitled and therefore rejected his father.

After reading this, I had to ask myself if I was really different from the older son.  Do my actions state that I only want God for his blessings or because I truly love Him and desire Him above all else?  As I reflect upon my life, I have the opportunity to see where I am a hypocrite and where I am genuine.  Through prayer, discipleship and reading God's word, I pray that the Holy Spirit will begin to change those areas of hypocrisy in my life and show me what a genuine love of Him looks like!!!